


Every Story Has An End (I Wish Ours Wasn't So Soon)

by browneyedgenius, sadtunes



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/M, Hinted Character Death, POV Phil Coulson, Phil Coulson Needs a Hug, Philinda - Freeform, angst lol, but im sure you already knew that, goodbye letters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:35:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27693557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/browneyedgenius/pseuds/browneyedgenius, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadtunes/pseuds/sadtunes
Summary: "By the time you read this, I’ll be gone."ORCoulson says goodbye to Melinda at the end of S5.
Relationships: Phil Coulson/Melinda May
Comments: 23
Kudos: 30





	Every Story Has An End (I Wish Ours Wasn't So Soon)

**Author's Note:**

> Coulson’s letter to Melinda after his death because he definitely didn't only write one to Daisy. (Post s5)

Melinda,

I don’t know how to begin this letter. How am I supposed to sum up all of our best experiences, all of our most valuable moments on a sheet of paper? There wouldn’t be enough ink in the world for me to write out the story of our lives. It can’t be done, because honestly, every single moment I spend with you is a moment I hold close to my heart each day. 

I know you’re curious about what I’m writing in this. I see you trying to peek at the page, and it brings a smile to my face. I hope these words bring a smile to yours when I’m gone. 

I know I said I’ve come to terms with it, but I have to admit, it’s been hard. I’m not afraid of dying, exactly. Death has always been a part of my life- our lives. I’m more afraid of what comes after. What if there’s nothing, no way for us to meet again? An eternity without you by my side would be like the sun without the moon.

Here I am, getting all poetic. I’ve always been such a sap for you.

To be honest, Melinda, I don’t want this letter to just be a summary of our lives. You can remember all of those already, and for the ones you can’t, we have so many pictures. (You might know by now that I’ve left all our photo albums to you.) Instead, I guess I want to tell you just how much you mean to me. Because, Melinda, you mean a lot. 

When I first met you at the academy, I never would have imagined how strong of a bond we would create, how many times we would save each others’ lives, how many experiences we would live and breathe through together. I hadn’t yet realized, back then, just how big of a part you’d play in my life. 

I started figuring it out when you pulled me into your pranks, your bright laughter filling the air as you covered Director Fury’s office with wrapping paper, your smirk as John Garrett walked straight into the trap you set for him in the Outdoor Tracking course. I started figuring it out when you comforted that sci-ops student after she failed her test, that although you didn’t always act like it, you cared so much for people. 

So many people say that the embodiment of SHIELD is me, but I think it’s always been you. You’re the one who defends the people you love to the best of your ability, the one who never gives up on us. You’re the one who protected Daisy when she first got her powers. You’re the one who takes care of all of us when we’re sick, when we’re hurt, when we’re tired. You’re the one who will always, always look after us, no matter the cost to your own health.

You know, I never got to tell you how much I admire your strength. I know how much Bahrain affected you, yet I didn’t see you falter once when Daisy got her powers. You’re the one who rushes into any amount of danger just to make sure no one else has to. You’re the one who keeps your feelings deep inside of you so you can help other people with theirs. You’ve always been the best of us, Melinda. 

I’m going to miss you when I’m gone. 

I know that doesn’t make sense, since I’m the one leaving you, but I also know you’ll understand what I mean. Because even at the beginning of our friendship, you’ve always been able to read me. I’m beyond thankful for this, to have someone with whom I can communicate with just a glance, and I’m even more thankful that it’s you. 

I guess I just want to say thank you, Melinda, for being with me every step of the way. Thank you for being an endless pillar of support, for taking care of me when I couldn’t take care of myself. Thank you for always convincing me that you’re right, since you always are. (You’ve saved my life so many times because of that.) Thank you for choosing to spend these last days with me on Tahiti.

These last days have been some of the best in my life. I’ll never regret the choices I made, not if it led me to this; you, me, and the endless expanse of ocean and sky in front of us.

Okay, that’s not entirely true. It would’ve been nice if we’d actually admitted our feelings sooner, instead of waiting thirty years to get together. You know Daisy’s been teasing me about that. 

But Melinda, I promise you with all of my heart, I will never regret becoming friends with you. Because not only did it lead to, well, us, but it also led to some of the best moments of my life. 

I guess I also want to say sorry, because for all the good times we had, we also had some bad ones too. And I have to admit most of them were my fault. 

First of all, I’m sorry for doubting you back when SHIELD first fell. I would’ve talked to you about it afterwards, but you’ve never liked talking about your feelings, and I didn’t want to push. So I’m putting it in writing instead. I never should have doubted you. Thinking on it, I don’t know how I ever did. You’ve always been the one thing I could trust when everything else was falling apart- a steady rock in our ever changing lives.

I’m sorry for dying the first time. I know this is ironic, since I’m about to die for the second time now, so I apologize for that too. Maria told me how hard you took my death, how you wouldn’t eat or drink. Promise me, Melinda, that you won’t do that again, that you’ll make sure you stay healthy. If I was in your place, I'm not sure I'd be able to keep that promise, but please, for me, just try. I'll rest easy knowing you're not killing yourself over my death....and yes, that pun was intentional. I hope it made you laugh.

...I’ll never get to hear your laugh again.

But this letter is supposed to be at least somewhat happy. It’s so hard, knowing that these words will be the last ones you’ll ever get from me. I’ll try my best anyway.

Melinda, you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me, there’s no doubt about it. I first fell in love with you after that mission in Lebanon. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was a tough mission, but you made it seem so easy. We went out for drinks afterwards, trying to drown out the memories, if only for a single night. The alcohol lowered your inhibitions and I saw a part of you I'd never seen before. The part of you that feels, the part that _hurts_. You looked into my eyes, and that was the first time I'd ever seen you cry. Your pain opened a crack in my heart, and as I held you in my arms, I realized you were the one. You were the one I wanted to support in all of the hardest days, the one I wanted to see in all your happiest moments. But at the time, you already had Andrew, and so I thought being your best friend would have to be enough. 

And it _was_ enough, you were always enough for me. 

By the time you read this, I’ll be gone. It may be a little selfish of me to say, but don’t forget me when I’m gone, help my legacy continue on in you, in our team- our family. I’m dying, and there's nothing I can do to make it hurt any less, but know that our love will always live on in your heart. Stay safe, Melinda, and never forget: you mean everything to me.

Love always,

Phil


End file.
